This started out as a rant about people ruining gift giving by taking the human element out of it and promoting the purchasing of thoughtless gifts. But then I remembered I’m all about that grind or whatever so I turned part of my rant into a gift giving guide and threw in some affiliate links. Buy some shit from amazon using my links.
My Big Issue
About 5 or 6 years ago my family started just sending each other their Amazon Wish Lists around Christmas. I get that it makes it really convenient but it just kind of blew my mind, I think that was the moment humanity officially lost the meaning of Christmas. I can buy my own shit off Amazon, the cool part about giving and getting gifts is the thought the person puts in to picking the damn thing out. Now I’m expected to do the emotional labor of curating a list of acceptable things to ask people to buy for me for Christmas?? No fucking thank you, I’d rather someone glue some macaroni on a plate or better yet just don’t get me anything. If its the thought that counts, the thought communicated to me if you ask someone for a wish list is, “buying you a present is a burden, please make it easier by sending me a link so I don’t have to think about it.”
Rather than spew all that craziness at my family I eventually just tried to conform and sent my mom my Amazon wish list in case anyone asked. And you know what happened? Everyone picked the same damn things off my list and I ended up with two pasta makers and some other duplicates. When I finally brought up my issue with wish lists the following Thanksgiving, it turned out everyone was fine with not abolishing the list sending practice (or at least just not asking me for mine and not bringing it up around me) and returning to the method of picking out gifts based on like, what you already know about your family members or asking people for suggestions.
My hunch is that the biggest supporters of sending wish lists were the aunts who ended up carrying the entire burden of finding the actual presents for Christmas and other gift giving occasions, not just for the people for whom they intended or were obliged to get a gift for, but for anyone their husbands or kids were required to shop for as well. If you are really putting your heart into picking out a thoughtful gift for someone its a LOT of work. If that resonated with you grow the fuck up, apologize to your mom and start doing your own shopping.
How to Pick Out A Thoughtful Gift
Step One: Think about your person
This is really the only step. Think about the person you want to buy a gift for. Ask yourself: What kind of things do they like? What kind of hobbies do they have? What do they spend their free time doing? What do they do for work?
Picking Out a Gift Based on What They Like
If they have a hobby they really like, check out related blogs, subreddits, YouTube tutorials, what kinds of things are being recommended? If it seems like they already have all the tools they could ever want, or if they are super particular about getting the right tools, you can get a stupid thing about their hobby like a mug or a t-shirt that has a quote about their hobby. Do they paint warhamner figurines? Try this t-shirt. https://amzn.to/4p1vqWr
Picking Out A Gift Based on Work
This one can be trickier, but when its pulled off right it can be perfect. We don’t all go in to professions we love, but that doesn’t mean you can’t buy someone a gift related to their job.
I, for example, teach high school so its easy to pick out work related items for me. I love my job, I chose a career where you get shitty pay and are expected to work a gazillion free hours for the children. And when you ask for more money you’re called greedy because that money is for the children. But there is so much teacher related tchotchkes and inspirational bullshit out there, you’d be hardpressed to NOT find something at least somewhat fitting for the teacher in your life, and the same goes for just about anyone working in a caregiver/service type job (nurses, police, firemen etc.)
My favorite item on my desk is this placard that says “I became a teacher for the money and the fame” but there are so many things out there it shouldn’t be hard to match the right thing to their personality. If it feels like that fell below some minimum monetary or other requirement, throw in a little something they like: a bottle of wine, a bag of nice coffee, some loosely related art or office supplies.
My partner on the other hand, is an electrician, who did not go into his line of work out of some altruistic motivation to light up the world. It is much trickier to buy work related gag gifts that don’t feel forced or stupid. A dumb sticker that says something like, “Will strip for money” might get a chuckle from a friend or family member but again you got to ask yourself, what kind of stuff do they usually find funny or get some kind of joy from?
Picking out a gift based on what you think they need
This is dangerous and runs the risk of backfiring. But if you pull it off you could become someone’s savior. Maybe their house is a mess and you think they need to be more organized. In that case a chore planner might be useful. Maybe they’re struggling with deep depression and you think its because of their shitty partner. In that case a gift card for a private investigator or therapy might be thoughtful nudge in the right direction. Again, its risky.
But if a new hobby is what they need try getting them a craft kit and tell them to:
- Paint rocks: https://amzn.to/41AH8gO
- Tie some knots: https://amzn.to/3HD21Bh
- Make some soap: https://amzn.to/3JL5bTX
- Whittle some wood: https://amzn.to/3JZtmOA
- Or check out my posts on Best Beginner punch needle kits or polymer clay jewelry making guide (coming soon)
Maybe you just suck at this and you need me to help you
Comment “HELP” below and describe the person you need to buy a gift for and I’ll perform the emotional labor for you.